Blog Week 120: The unbearable loneliness of being (here).

Sunday 9 March 23.55

Decisions have a habit of being announced on a Friday. A delicate issue has arisen and I am hoping to avoid getting involved.

You know how law firms can be lonely places. In fact the bigger the office, generally the lonelier it can be. (That sounds like one of Old Timer's rules but is not.) Amongst the lawyers, to a greater or lesser extent, each is out for themselves. No problem for the senior lawyers as they are big enough and ugly enough (no offence) to handle it. But it is proving a problem lower down the food chain. I'm too tired now and so will explain more tomorrow.

Monday 10 March 23.11

Basically a while back the office established a small department consisting of a partner and an associate. Things have gone relatively smoothly but some tensions, quietly bubbling away in the background, have come to the fore.

It is a difficult situation to judge as from the outside no one else can tell who is being reasonable or unreasonable. Yet there can only be one victor in any prolonged dispute.

The associate is reluctant to leave but also appears increasingly reluctant to stay. So just seems to be getting more and more miserable and demotivated.

Wednesday 12 March 01.54

This miserable weather was getting me down. I sat staring out of my office this afternoon looking at the grey, darkening sky and persistent rain and I could feel all the energy drain away. To cheer me up my boyfriend took me to the cinema. We took pot luck and saw El Orfanato. Now I am too scared to sleep.

Wednesday 12 March 23.12

Hedgehog was complaining to me about the budget change (mentioned a couple of weeks ago). My boss Pierre has shown that sometimes in this situation it is best just to nod sympathetically and not really say anything. It is amazing how a nod and a look of apparent concern can help smooth ruffled feathers. Or in this case, relax flexed spines.

Old Timer once remarked that Hedgehog just seems lonely. I never paid much attention. I realise now that in our library nobody can hear you scream.

Thursday 13 March 23.56

This week has been a bit different. My work projects/assignments determine the rhythm of my office life and there has been a sort of lull throughout this week.

It is good when things are quieter but I would not want it to be too quiet here. The lull gave me the time to fall into a trap: reflecting and staring out at the Brussels skyline. Doing that makes me worried as it gets me thinking a little too much. Like I was comparing the difference between the motivation of our lawyers, into whatever project is keeping them busy, and the rest of us, who are probably wishing half our lives away. Without realising it everything started to look bleak.

But thankfully it was then Mockney stopped by with his latest piece of half-gossip...


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